hm random

I had a convo with a person who I now think of as my friend(RICHARD) and he told me fate is everything that happens to you, what you go through, the good, the bad everything and that you have no control over it .. and freewill is how you decide to feel about it, about each situation... what you think and feel is up to you..And I agree with these statements for the most part. But I think in a way we are preconditioned to feel or think in certain ways about certain things. We look at someone killing another for whatever reason and we are told that's wrong no matter what. We look at someone in need of food to eat and we feel bad because that's what we was told... So I think, and feel different than othesr.. At least different than anyone I know..I have said this many time I wear my heart on my sleeve.. I feel pain much more than any other feeling. I was told by this friend that I subconsciously enjoy feeling the pain. And after thinking about this, maybe he is rite. When I am in "pain" and feeling down. I look to others to bring myself back up and even though it may only work for a few minutes it never takes the pain away fully. I know why my heart is full of so much pain but the hard question is how do I get it to go away for good, how can one learn to be happy after 28 years of sorrows.. If I have freewill then why cant I make my mind STFU about it and move on... And if fate is so powerful and has this control of your life why would it keep giving one person shit and another treasure? Because I have had enough of this shit life.. I do have blessings don't get me wrong. But how can I enjoy the blessing I do have when I cant feel the pleasures from it.