why must it be so black and white??

I was standing there this morning watching as the sun rose above the trees, and I had one of those Ah ha! moments. I thought to myself why must somethings in life be black and white. Where is the color? When we come into this world screaming and yelling its like the sun rise, we come so colorfully into this world with colors of the dawn bright and new. And when we leave its like the sunset, the colors fade into the night sky. And nothing but darkness awaits us. I wonder why we cant see, or feel that color when we are here. We all want to live in this world happy and free pain and sorrows, the only pain we want to feel is when we go to the next life not for choices we make, not for the love we lost, but for the love we left behind. I know everyone has wondered what the meaning of their life really is but there is no way to know while we are here. I am sure when we get to where we are going it will come to be, that we see all and know all. I am not asking God to give me all the answers to life's questions. I just want to understand why I feel so deeply about things that we can not change. I have grown to this amazing person that I feel I am. I feel new, and loved, yet sad and hurt. All I ever wanted was love yet pain came and went leaving nothing but sorrow behind. I have given all that I am to those around me leaving myself behind. I now have found that I dont need anyone else to make me feel that love, that I wanted or needed for so long. I have always loved myself truly and deeply. I have no regrets, because I love who I am and where I am. I think of my life, my past and I have hurt many people. I have lost friends, I have lost family many time along my road to finding me and who I am. I do not feel bad, I do not wish I could have changed anything. I am sorry for what I have done or the way I did or said the things. However If things where never said, things would have never changed. I would not be who I am. So my question is.... Why must life be black and white? Where are the colors we was born with. I look at my son, and I see how he sees the world around him. He may only be two but he sees all the color that I have lost. I cant help but wonder how I can get that color back. How can I see the things in life that I used to be able to see.  I have been in the dark for long now, when I met you I thought I could see a ray of sunshine in my dark empty world. And now it has faded. But there is new colors coming in to sight, a rainbow. I am unsure whether it is real or just a fantasy. But I am going to do anything I can to try and bring that color back into my life. My son, has turned my night sky into a sunny day, and I am so grateful he came into this world, the sun maybe out in my world but there is still no color, no green on the trees, no blue in the sky, but this rainbow I see is getting closer to me. I hope and pray that it is real. I do not want to go back into the darkness. But if I must I will go with a smile on my face because of the joy you made me feel while you was around. So now I guess I will just sit and while for the rainbow to shine.