Thursday, February 17, 2011
The truth that lies inside
Ha! I made my title the truth that "lies" inside because we all have some truth yet we all lie.. This is my first blog and I dont want to get to in depth with it. I look at life in a strange way, I see the truth behind all the lies that people think they are getting away with. I will not lie! I have lied before but I do try my very best to always tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That is a funny thing in this day and age, everyone has this big problem with telling lies, big lies, white lies, its still lying! If someone ask me a general question I do my best to be honest. But thats just the kind of person I am. I have started this blog only because I have so many ideas, and thoughts that I must get out of my head before it drives me crazy. Let the truth set me free so to speak. I am at a point in my life where I need something more. I am almost 29 years old and I have yet to do anything that I planned! I wanted to travel the world, and fall so deeply in love(which is a whole different blog) I wanted a child which I have received and I thank God everyday for my little man. He means the world to me. However as I get older I am so scared of life, I never thought I would be at this point. When I was younger I thought I would have been done with Medical School by the time I was 30, and have traveled all over the world, and met a man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I have. I feel so lost in my own truth and the only way I find peace is if I lie to myself about what my truth really is. I find it strange that no matter now I lie to myself the truth just hurts so bad. I want to leave my world behind, I want to run far away to be free of the pain I feel within. I hate myself for feeling like I want to leave because If I leave I would take my son with me and how dare I take him away from his father. The truth is I am scared to show the world who I really am in fear of everyone around me would hate me. But I guess sometimes in life we cant control the truth or the lies we tell.
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Well, I guess we all thought when we where young this ideal life would happen. But when you come down to it, some of us never got started till we realized that the life that we where living wasn't going as planned. Life is funny that way but sometimes it's better the way that it is now than if it had gone the other direction who knows if you would have liked it better the other way. You are where you are because you are suppose to be, that's how I see it.
ReplyDeleteThis is true.. But in my case I just went with the flow of life. I never really gave it any thought till I started to get old hahah .. Now I am looking back asking myself why in the hell didnt u do this, or that.. I do not regret anything I have said or done in my past because its in the past why worry about it when there is nothing I can do to change it. The only thing I have control over is my future! And I am so worried about that more than ever now that I am a mother. I am not in it just for me, every thing I say, do, every choice I make will have some kind of effect on my child, and that scarys me.
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