Bad IDEA!! (warning must be 18 to read)

Ok So I am crying right now because I am so pissed off... I cant get over the fact that here I am doing all that I can for you and all you wanna to is be a jerk to me. You talk to me for 5 damn seconds! If you liked me or loved me or care anything for me you wouldnt do that to me, knowing how I feel about you. I am falling so madly and deeply in love with you and your turning you back on me BITCH PLEASE! I am over it stop playing your little fucking games with me and be REAL or is that a word u have never heard of before? I am guessing the answer to that is "I dont know what your talking about"... Well get this.. I am so sick of getting walked on by everyone that comes into my life. I am so sick of losing everything and EVERYONE that I love. I opened up to you and was "real" told you things that no one else knows. Now I know why I always kept to myself, Now remember why I have always pushed people away. Because of this feeling that I dont like! I dont want to feel this way anymore .. I am so tired! I am so scared! I am tired of feeling pain and heartache. I am scared of any dreams that I have because why dream them when you can do nothing to make them happen. I am just sick of being me in this fucked up world! If it was not for my son I would have been gone a long time ago.  I just want to be FREE  I want to feel like Im worth something to someone other than MYSELF! Yea they say its more important to love who you are and love yourself no matter what.. then it is to have love from others. Well I say FUCK that I have loved myself for so long, I just want to know what real love feels like from another FUCKING person .. Is that really to much to ask for?? I am just overwhelmed about how much love sucks! You are damned if you do and your damned if you dont... But why does it have to be that way.. Cant you just find that right person and love them and them love you back no worries no fights... Just to be happy in the arms of another human being... Thats what everyone longs for the warmth of a human embrace, to feel connected to another heart and soul .. To scream inside and the person you love hear you and feel your pain and come rush to your side... I mean come on what is wrong with the world today there has to be love like that.. There has to be someone for everyone.. I hoped that person was you.. I really did.. I wanted to love you with every ounce of my heart and soul, to be with you .. To make you the happiest man in the world .. To just be there for you for anything you could ever want or need... So fuck it right.. its over now.. Im done .. you have my heart and a piece of my soul keep it its yours I dont want it back! ....Ok Im done .. I am not even going to read this shit, im just going to post it .. I dont even care right now what it says!!! I am sure knowing me it says some fucked up shit that I will regret later but oh well FUCK IT!